a reason for not giving up

many people have entered my life , some have just stopped for a while , taken something : a smile, a hug and left. Some have left something behind: a good memory, a bad one, a laugh, a shake shared, an argument, a sushi trial ..
What amazes most is that for each person that passed through my life , i gained something and leraned somethign even when I lost more than I gained.
Then I could realise that I had so many different reactions... some of these situations, mede me feel angry, others annoyed, upset, and lonely.. Some of them made feel happy, part of a group, loved, cared and trusted.
Nowadays I am experiencing something new: I am facing my will of giving up!
I have been wondering if it is worthy to be conquered.. if words are as important as actions.. I have also been asking myself If I am a good friend or if my attitudes are selfish towards people I love.
And I really do not like the feeling I have inside!
Sad.. I am sad ... I am not sure if I am doing any good to this person, and everytime I face these feelings, they scare me so much that I think of giving up!
Which things? hidden lies, half truth, white lies..
When I love a person I can not lie to her .. I am wondering now if I should have done it.
Maybe I do not know this person´s favourites , but I never hide my feelings or disguise situations! Because I am afraid of losing my friends´ respect and admiration.. if not love.
And these things are hard to conquer back.. once scratched , once hurt , once forgotten...
My heart cann not understand and it is really hurt! the day before yesterday I was left behind , today I am sad with your disguised lines...
and the worst thing is that I do love ya and you are dragging yourself deeper and deeper to some situation that will bury yourself in problems and if I say something you swear that you are leaving it and I am seing you on the edge... I have advised you.. so what to do?
Dont know.. and due to the wounds in my heart I want to give up..
I leave here a tear... another one, still trying to grab myself to any reason not to go away and do what I do best: give up!!!